My Mideast Punchlines: in and out of shape….

A msnbc journalist reported that some French Muslims believe “shape-shifting” Jews are to blame for the Paris atrocities. The Kalashnikovs, the identity cards the [killers] supposedly left behind, it was all staged,” a Muslim Parisian told the Daily Beast Tuesday. “It was a conspiracy designed by the Jews to make Muslims look bad. We’d rather just stay where we are.”

 Another man, who only gave his name as “Mohamed” and gleefully noted that he sold drugs in the open in his gas station, told the daily that the attacks were “un complot,” or a conspiracy, on the part of the “magical Jews” from a “hybrid race of shape-shifters” who have extraordinary abilities. “They know how to get in everywhere,” he said. “They are master manipulators.” The bizarre response illustrates how common anti-Semitic conspiracy theories portraying Jews as being behind all sorts of global conspiracies are throughout the Muslim world. It is not the first time Jews have been accused of possessing magical powers either. In May 2013, an Iranian leader said that Jews were “sorcerers” who manipulate the US government and media to their advantage. An article on a popular Iranian news site around the same time posted an article claiming that “the [Jewish] people think that ruling over man, nature, and divine traditions can be achieved only by means of sorcery” and that “they believe that it is possible to conquer nature and control the world, and even to control God’s decisions, by using sorcery methods.”

Small FistWell, I have a confession to make, folks. I am a shape-shifting Jew. Indeed, my family can attest to the fact. They are always criticising me for going on fad diets when my shape shifts. Too many kneidalalach in the chicken soup. Salt beef on rye by the ton. I just can’t control myself. Saucery rather than sorcery. And if I can’t control myself, how can I expect to control others? Well, according to those knowledgeable denizens of the Paris banlieues and Teheran, I’m all powerful. Oh, I do wish it were true.

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