My Mideast Punchlines: and pigs will fly….

Fledgling Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has accepted an invitation to speak at Labour Friends of Israel’s reception at next week’s party conference in Brighton.

He will be joined by Shadow Foreign Secretary Hilary Benn.

Joan Ryan, chair of LFI, said: “I’m looking forward to welcoming the leader of the Labour Party and the Shadow Foreign Secretary to this year’s LFI reception. I hope this will mark the start of a conversation on how the next Labour government can best contribute to the peace process and a two-state solution.”

It is traditional for the party’s leader or spokesman on foreign affairs to address the event. Mr Corbyn has a long history of anti-Israel activism.

Small FistTime to quote my friend Phil Sinitsky’s take on this. Phil has offered to write Corbyn’s speech for him. It goes something like this:

Friends of Palestine’s neighbours, it is a great honour to be considered a friend of yours. Some of you may have heard me refer to Hamas and Hezbollah as friends, but then I call you friends, too, and with friends like you who needs enemies? Just joking, of course. Seriously though, hundreds of pilgrims were crushed to death in Mecca, children are being bombed to death in Yemen, hundreds of thousands have been killed in Syria and Iraq. The root cause of all this pointless killing is the blockade of Gaza and the settlements in Jerusalem and the West Bank. I implore you to use your influence with your friends to put an end to the blockade, settlements and the apartheid wall. Only then will pilgrims be safe in Mecca and peace restored to Syria and Iraq.     Comrades, I can assure you that, despite what you have heard and read about me, I support a two state solution…..Scotland and England. I intend to meet your friend the PM of Palestine’s neighbours, and I intend to tell him that he is the cause of UK unemployment, late trains and a failing NHS. And finally, just to prove how wrong you all are to call me a Jew-hater, I will nationalize synagogues in order to spare you their astronomical burial fees. My government would gladly bury you all for free.

That bit about the burial fees ensures Corbyn will get my backing at the next general election, assuming of course that he’s still Labour leader by then. Hold on, is that a squadron of pigs flying over my house?

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