My Mideast Punchlines: Spot on, Mr Bumble!

As Palestinian prisoners go on a hunger strike for better conditions, they must be the envy of their peers in other parts of the world. I doubt there are any other terrorists in the world, in France or in the United States, with such amazing conditions as those received by the terrorists jailed in Israel’s prisons. The Guantanamo Bay detainees don’t even dream of such conditions, and neither do terrorists jailed in France’s prisons.

Firstly, there are 72 virgins supplied weekly. Sure, their average age is 90, but, hey, when you’re sex-starved, who’s looking? Secondly, state-of-the art mobile phones, so new that Steve Jobs hasn’t even released them to the rest of the world from his heavenly abode. These phones are simply amazing. They have a special button that sets off suicide bomb jackets whenever you factor in the GPS coordinates. Also, the Palestinian inmates love playing with their drones. They’re way ahead of Jeff Bezos and Amazon when it comes to precise delivery of a payload. Why would any terrorist want to be directing operations on the outside? Too dangerous by far. And, last but not least, the food. Ah, the gastronomic delights of cordon bleu cooking a la Yotam Ottolenghi. Hamas humous and Fatah ful. YummyIt’s no wonder I can hear the plaint of Mr Bumble, the parish beadle in Oliver Twist, ringing in my ear: “MOOOORE???!”

 

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