My Mideast Punchlines: money for nothing ……

Al-Monitor reports that the European Union will stop financing the salaries of Palestinian Authority employees in Gaza — civil servants paid to stay at home while Hamas administers the Strip.

A Palestinian finance official in Ramallah, who declined to be named, told Al-Monitor, “There are up to 175,000 civil servants to which the PA pays $170 million per month, including 55,000 civil servants in Gaza receiving $41 million per month. The PA had demanded that its civil servants in Gaza not punch the clock in the summer of 2007, after Hamas took over Gaza. Since then, they have been paid although they do not work. We still don’t know so far how this new 30 million euro deficit will be covered, despite the austerity measures, suspension of bonuses and government expenditure reduction.”

Last year, the Jerusalem Post reported that the separate Hamas-run civil service of around 43,000 people was funded by Qatar, and that Hamas demanded its employees incorporated into the PA payroll in reconciliation talks with Fatah.

biffWith apologies to Mark Knopfler of Dire Straits (although I’m sure he wouldn’t mind). Here’s the link for the youtube version. Just use my lyrics when you’re singing along to this great pop classic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTP2RUD_cL0

Now look at them yo-yo’s that’s the way you do it

You play the oud on the Gaza TV

That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it

Money for nothing and the bucks for free

Now that ain’t working that’s the way you do it

Lemme tell you them guys ain’t dumb

Maybe get a blister on their little finger

Maybe get a blister on their thumb.

 

We gotta install microwave ovens

Custom kitchen deliveries

We gotta move these refrigerators

We gotta move these colour TVs.

 

See the terrorist leader with that long black beard

Yeah buddy that’s his own hair

That little faggot got his own jet airplane

That little faggot he’s a millionaire

 

We gotta install microwave ovens

Custom kitchen deliveries

We gotta move these refrigerators

We gotta move these colour TVs

 

I shoulda learned to play the oud

I shoulda played them tablah drums

Look at that mother, he got it stickin’ in the camera

Man we should have some fun

And he’s up there, what’s that? Muezzin noises?

Bangin’ on the tablahs like a chimpanzee

That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it

Get your money for nothin’ get your bucks for free.

 

My Mideast Punchlines: hair today, gone tomorrow…

Former Sunderland striker Asamoah Gyan is among more than 40 players to have been found guilty of having “unethical hair” under United Arab Emirates Football Association guidelines.

The 31-year-old Ghanaian is on loan at Dubai-based Arabian Gulf League sideAl Ahli from Shanghai SIPG.

In 2012, Saudi Arabia goalkeeper Waleed Abdullah was told to cut his “un-Islamic” hair by the referee before playing for his club side Al Shabab.

The Saudi rule bans mohawk-style cuts.

It is unclear what criteria the UAEFA are basing their own guidelines on.

biffWhen I last perused the Koran, I couldn’t find anything about ‘unethical’ hair. Things could always be worse, of course. Under ISIS, Gyan’s hairstyle would have been altered only after his head had been removed from his shoulders.

 

My Mideast Punchlines: an absolutely sp(l)iffing idea….

Israel Takes Step Toward Allowing Export of Medical Marijuana. An Israeli government committee gave an initial nod on Sunday for the export of medical marijuana in what could be a windfall for companies in Israel, widely regarded as a leader in research in the field.

biffWe should encourage free medical marijuana for all anti-Semites. Why?  1 Medical reasons. There’s no doubting they are mentally ill. 2. Recreational reasons. A happy anti-Semite is an oxymoron. Ergo, when you’re flying as high as a kite, you love everyone – even Jews.

What an absolutely sp(l)iffing idea!

My Mideast Punchlines: jumping the lights….

US puts Iran “on notice” after missile test. Iran has long boasted of having missiles that can travel 2,000 kilometres (1,200 miles), putting much of the Middle East, including Israel, in range. Such capability would also put U.S. bases in the region in danger. In the wake of Iran’s ballistic missile test earlier this week, national security adviser Michael Flynn said:

‘As of today, we are officially putting Iran on notice.’

However, it is not clear exactly what being “on notice” actually means.

biffRemember pusillanimous Obama’s ‘red line’ vis-a-vis Assad’s use of banned weapons against his own people? Let’s hope any Trump red lines will lead to a green light for action. Simply remaining on amber will have the ayatollahs jumping lights to their hearts’ content.

My Mideast Punchlines: Tonge in cheek….

Baroness Jenny Tonge is taking flak for posting on Facebook an anti-Semitic article from a fake news site.

AWD posted this preposterous quote from Israel’s honourable president, Ruby Rivlin: The time has come to admit that Israel is a sick society, with an illness that demands treatment, President Reuven Rivlin said at the opening session on Sunday of a conference on From Hatred of the Stranger to Acceptance of the Other.

AWD is the same fake news site which sparked a Pakistani nuclear threat against Israel over this hoax report. Other phony AWD reports include Israeli plans to colonize Russia, a Belgian arrest warrant for Queen Elizabeth and Hillary Clinton’s ties to satanic rituals.

Tonge is already under investigation by Britain’s House of Lords, apparently for hosting pro-Palestinian event in which participants blamed Israel for creating Islamic State and Jews for the Holocaust.

biffThe gullible Spinning Jenny swallowed her Tonge on this one – and I hope she chokes on it.

My Mideast Punchlines: Zuma the tumour …

South African President Jacob Zuma and the African National Congress are discouraging people from visiting Israel.

“The people of Palestine continue to suffer in their rightful quest for self-determination … We reiterate that we firmly discourage travel to Israel for causes not related to fostering peace in the region,” Zuma said in a speech to thousands of party supporters.

biffMeanwhile, the people of South African continue to suffer in their rightful quest to be free of Zuma the tumour, the most corrupt leader in their country’s modern history. Mandela must be spinning in his grave.

My Mideast Punchlines: egg and onions…

The Knesset removed parliamentary immunity from Israeli-Arab MK Basel Ghattas, who is accused of smuggling cell phones and information to Palestinian security prisoners. The Knesset also approved a ban on lawmakers visiting security prisoners.

Small FistSo Mr Ghattas has ended up with egg on his face, which is appropriate since his first name sounds like the Arabic for ‘onion’. Oh dear, the ups and downs of elected office. Yom assal, yom bassal, as they say in Arabic. A day of honey and a day of onions. Pass the chopped liver, please.

Ps. Basel is actually a Koranic name that means courageous, like a lion. IMHO, Mr Ghattas is more like a snake, so in calling him an onion I am probably doing a disservice to snakes and reptiles in general.

My Mideast Punchlines: unrequited love ….

Chief Palestinian negotiator Saeb Erekat threatened (or predicted?) Arab violence if the US relocates its embassy in Israel to Jerusalem. Here’s Erekat dog whistling after saying he’d resign and the PLO would revoke its recognition of Israel. Draw your own conclusion:

Furthermore, said Erekat, all American embassies in the Arab world would be forced to close — not necessarily because Arab leaderships would want to close them, but because the infuriated public in the Arab world would not “allow” for the embassies to continue to operate.

Small FistErekat, as usual, has inflated the affection he believes other Arabs have towards the Palestinians. In fact, the great Arab masses do not care one whit about the Palestinians. The sad fact for Erekat and his people is that other Arabs hate them much more than they hate the Israelis.