My Mideast Punchlines: infamy…….

Does Palestinian unity deal pave the way for ex-Hamas chief Khaled Mashaal to become president of the Palestinian Authority? Israel HaYom reports that the reconciliation agreement allows in principle for the possibility of Hamas joining the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO), the umbrella organization of Palestinian factions of which Fatah is the currently the leading member.

The paper adds that A) Mashaal’s presidential ambitions are well known within both Hamas and Fatah, B) he could exploit Mahmoud Abbas’ refusal to appoint a successor, and C) neither Israel nor Jordan would tolerate Hamas taking over the PA.

The latest Hamas-PA pact is a Trojan horse. If the lunatics do take over the asylum, then expect sparks to fly. Although why Mashaal would give up the relative safety of his palatial exile in Doha for a dangerous backwater pad in Ramallah and a possible Israeli drone attack is hard to fathom. On the other hand, the threat against Abbas is real. Infamy, infamy, they’ve all got it in for me.


My Mideast Punchlines: get it? Got it…..

In an interview with Ynet, Norwegian Immigration Minister Sylvi Listhaug said that because of Islamic terror attacks in Europe, “We now get what Israel goes through.”

We are experiencing now the fear that you have experienced for decades,” said Sylvi Listhaug in an exclusive interview with Ynet in Oslo. “Many people now understand the situation you live in. We see what is happening in Sweden, in Britain and in France.”

What a breath of fresh air. Is the fog of the most anti-Semitic Scandinavian country beginning to lift? Ms Listaug’s comment is a welcome first step towards the light. To quote the Beatles:

So I lit a fire
Isn’t it good
Norwegian wood

My Mideast Punchlines: sticky fingers…..

Interpol fallout: After the the Palestinians got full membership in the international police organization, US Senator Ben Cardin said American justice officials won’t honor PA warrants and arrest warrants sent through Interpol. And what were PA officials saying?

A senior Palestinian official said there were no plans to sue any Israelis through Interpol. He said the purpose is “to pursue criminals who commit crimes here and escape.”

He said one target would be Mohammed Dahlan, a rival of Abbas.

Be careful what you wish for. Abbas and his cronies have been robbing the Palestinian people blind for years. Even a cursory inspection of the books is likely to reveal sticky finger syndrome amongst the Palestinian leadership. Will Interpol act? Don’t hold your breath.

My Mideast Punchlines: fact, or fiction….

Israel suffered a stinging diplomatic setback on Wednesday when the International Police Organization (Interpol) voted to accept “Palestine” as a full member state.

The move at Interpol’s annual General Assembly meeting, held this year in Beijing, came despite furious Israeli efforts over the last few weeks to thwart it. The US was also actively involved up until the last minute in trying to stop the move.

Read all about it: Al Capone joins the FBI. Besides which, I always believed any police organisation worthy of the name was based on its ability to reveal truths through investigation. You don’t have to be Hercule Poirot or Miss Marple to discover that there is no such state as Palestine. However, it’s clear that Interpol deals in fiction, so anything goes.

My Mideast Punchlines – NOT: a schmuck by any other name….

Former Rep. Anthony Weiner was sentenced Monday to 21 months in prison for sexting with a 15-year-old girl in a case that rocked Hillary Clinton’s campaign for the White House in the closing days of the race and may have cost her the presidency.

Weiner, 53, dropped his head into his hands and wept as the sentence was announced by Judge Denise Cote. He must surrender to prison officials by Nov. 6.

 The sentencing completed the sordid downfall of the New York Democrat, whose penchant for exchanging lewd messages and photos with young women online destroyed his career in Congress in 2011, doomed his bid for mayor of New York in 2013, wrecked his marriage to Clinton’s closest aide, Huma Abedin, and became entangled in the 2016 presidential campaign.

Admitting “I have a sickness, but I do not have an excuse,” Weiner pleaded guilty in May to transferring obscene material to a minor, punishable by up to 10 years in prison, for illicit contact with a North Carolina teenager.

Okay, I admit it. This has got nothing to do with the Mideast. I just needed a break from the never-ending gloom, so what better than to write a few words about our very own sexting maniac, Anthony Weiner.

Now I’m sure Weiner was a nice Jewish boy in his mother’s womb, but it’s his father I blame. Weiner is pronounced ‘weener’ in the States, and everyone knows that weener is  slang for penis across the Pond. In this case, no one can say the euphemism isn’t an apt one for this particularly schmuck. As my Israeli sister-in-law of blessed memory used to say, when the cannon (weener) stands up, the seychel (sense) flies out of the window.

My Mideast Punchlines: if the glove don’t fit, you must acquit. Not.

Argentine investigators submitted a report concluding that top prosecutor Alberto Nisman was indeed murdered in 2015, reversing controversial assessments that he had killed himself. The Wall St. Journal (click via Twitter) explains:

Mr. Nisman died shortly before he was set to present his case in Congress alleging that Mrs. Kirchner had conspired with Iran to sabotage his investigation into the bombing of a Jewish community center in 1994. His body was found in his apartment bathroom on Jan. 18, 2015 after a bullet was fired into his head. . .

According to people familiar with the Gendarmerie report, investigators assert that Mr. Nisman was sedated with the anesthetic Ketamine and then killed by two assailants in his Buenos Aires apartment.

So what part of the following expert evidence did the original assessments not understand?

“Mr. Nisman had sustained blows to his head, kidney, nose and leg, indicating that he had been struck before dying. Such bruises are inconsistent with a self-inflicted suicide wound.

Were the original investigators’ palms greased? I’m wondering whether Iran wasn’t behind the murder. Correct that. I’m sure it was.

My Mideast Punchlines: shush, but they can’t keep a secret….

The Palestinian Authority is pushing for membership in Interpol when the International Police Organization holds its annual meeting in Beijing next week. As Israel tries to foil the PA bid, the Jerusalem Post explains what’s at stake:

In addition, regarding Interpol specifically, Israel is concerned that if the Palestinians join they would push for arrest warrants against Israeli citizens.

Jerusalem also is concerned that sensitive information it shares with the organization could – if the Palestinians were members – be compromised.

Shush, don’t tell anyone, but the the Palestinians are inveterate gossipers, and Interpol should be aware that it’s easier to hear a secret than to keep it.  It should also remember what the rabbinic literature of the Midrash says: even if all of a slander is not believed, half of it is. Arabs are masters of taqqiyah (deception), and the PA would, if invited, be a fifth column dedicated to undermining not only Israel, but Interpol itself.


My Middle East Punchlines: yack-yack, Barack…

News has it that Barack Obama is making one-hour speeches to investment banks for up to £400,000.

Weeks before he entered the White House in 2009, Mr Obama said that he had not run “to be helping out a bunch of fat cat bankers on Wall Street”.

I have no problem with politicians making U-turns, but I sincerely hope that Mr Obama isn’t thinking about giving speeches on the Middle East.

Because as far as that is concerned, if he had twice as much sense he’d still be a moron.

My Mideast Punchlines: an Apple a day keeps BDS away….

Supporters of the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions movement may face a dilemma over buying the new iPhone X, because some of its manufacturers are located in Israel.

Apple unveiled its iPhone X last week for a market price of $1,000, along with launching the iPhone 8, and the iPhone 8 Plus. Although the American tech giant is based in California and employs hundreds of sub-suppliers, many of the components found inside Apple’s iPhones and products are built and assembled in Israel.

Israeli technology has also contributed to the facial recognition technology behind the iPhone X. Nicknamed Face ID, the all-screen phone requires your face to unlock the new iPhone. With no physical home button, Apple has ditched Touch ID functionality.

There’s a rumour that the phone only unlocks if the face projects good rather than evil. Now, isn’t that a nice thought?

My Mideast Punchlines: vays and means……

Weeks after two attacks on a synagogue in Germany, police in the city of Ulm say the motive may have been anti-Semitic.

State security officials are investigating incidents on Aug. 26 and Sept. 2 in which one or more perpetrators kicked at the facade of the New Synagogue and later rammed it with a metal post, breaking through the outer wall. According to reports, repairs will cost several thousand euros.

Zer are vays and means of carrying out an investigation. Mind you, I think they could have drawn the same conclusion after, say, two-and-a-half seconds.