My Mideast Punchlines: the Big Beeb Freeeze….

Without giving a reason, an Iranian court froze the assets of more than 150 current and former BBC staffers in Iran. See Reuters, and of course, the BBC, which condemned the order as a move to silence journalists.

Despite being banned in Iran, BBC Persian TV, radio and web content manages to reach some 13 million Iranians, according to the BBC.

This couldn’t happen in Israel, of course, although sometimes, as far as the biased Beeb is concerned, I rather wish it would.

My Mideast Punchlines: two of a kind….

Jews in Venezuela are increasingly fleeing the country amid the rising political instability and violence under President Nicolas Maduro, with a growing number decamping for Israel.

While Venezuela once had one of the largest Jewish communities in the region, numbering some 25,000 in 1999, only about 9,000 Jews are believed to remain in the country . . .

Said one new immigrant:

“Because there is the image of Jews as wealthy people — that they have money — they are a target, to kidnap them and demand a ransom for them,” he told Channel 2. “It is not because they are Jews, it is because they have money.”

Well, that’s a relief, then. One kind of antisemitism replaced by another.

 

My Mideast Punchlines: of course, they all love Israel…..

The Washington Post looks at the “wasted generation” of Gaza youth, who grew up under Hamas, unemployed and unable to leave the Strip.

But in many interviews, in their torn-just-so jeans and fresh white sneakers, Gaza’s young people today say they would rather fight for a job in Tel Aviv than fight Israelis.

“If the borders were open, I’d work in Israel in a minute. I got absolutely no problem with that. Everybody would work in Israel,” said Iyad Abu Heweila, 24, who graduated with a degree in English education two years ago but now spends his days hanging out.

Of course he would. Unfortunately, rather than work, a goodly number of Gazans would spend their time seeking out Jews to stab. Let’s face it, getting jailed is the only way they can assure their families of a monthly stipend — from our aid money. Roll on the Taylor Force Act. Meanwhile, ‘Our Kid’ Iyad will have to remain kicking his heels until Hamas are history. Don’t hold your breath.

My Mideast Punchline: simply Qarakers…..

Interviewed by the Jerusalem Post, a PA official responsible for disbursing terror stipends to Palestinian prisoners and their families spun the payments as positive for the West Bank.

“This assistance has never encouraged terrorism, the opposite is true,” said Issa Qaraqe, head of the commission for detainees and ex-detainees, who holds the rank of minister in the Palestinian Authority. “This social and humanitarian assistance creates a kind of stability in the Palestinian society. Cutting the assistance is what will lead to extremism.”

This comment by Mr Qaraqe is quite simply ‘qaraqers’. It’s typical of the Alician world inhabited by his ilk. Indeed, there are so many Mad Hatters in the topsy-turvy world of the West Bank and Gaza that darling Alice would have felt quite at home. With this kind of cultural obtuseness, Middle East peace is not a rabbit that can pulled out of the hat. There is no rabbit, and there is no hat.

My Mideast Punchlines: we’ve all got the hump with this lot….

The Qatari government, finally feeling the heat for its sponsorship of Islamist terrorism and extremism, is deploying an army of lobbyists to move U.S. policy to its side (and, therefore, the Muslim Brotherhood’s side). The recent hires include a firm with strong ties to President Donald Trump’s circle.

Qatar hired six lobbying firms in Washington D.C and will reportedly spend at least $1.7 million per week.

Money, money, money, it’s a rich man’s world.

I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills I have to pay
Ain’t it sad
And still there never seems to be a single penny left for me
That’s too bad
In my dreams I have a plan
If I got me a wealthy man
I wouldn’t have to work at all, I’d fool around and have a ball…

Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man’s world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man’s world

And especially so in Qatar, which is trying to buy influence and as much of the world’s property as it can before the oil runs out and they’re back camel-humping. The Qataris are also doing this to protect the interests of piquant bodies such as Hamas and the Muslim Brotherhood (the former sworn to destroy Israel; the latter to destroy America and everywhere else in the west). The solution is simple: the United States should declare war on Qatar. The casus belli? The Qataris have supported terrorists who have murdered Americans. Now, between you and me, my 4-year-old grandson with his toy boat could capture Qatar. One US aircraft carrier would be more than enough to take over a country the size of a bunker at my local golf course. Anyway, most of the residents of Qatar are foreign workers who hate their employers with a vengeance. The rest are all members of the same sicko family whose money taints everything that it touches, including our football, the hitherto beautiful game. It’s time for America to affix the star of a 51st state to its flag. I have no problem with the Americans signing a pledge to remove the star and give the ‘country’ back when the oil runs out. Meanwhile, freeze all the Qatari royal family’s foreign assets, and restrict them to a sole method of gainful employment: as camel jockeys.

My Mideast Punchlines: something to get your teeth into….

ISIS fired the head of its women’s brigade al-Khansa for being too soft.

“Umm Yasser el-Mouhajir failed to implement the instructions of the organization including whipping and biting women,” an anonymous source told Sumeriyya TV.

Islamic State replaced el-Mouhajir with a German woman to take on the top position in al-Khansa. Previously, the German filled senior roles in Nineveh Province before she pulled back along with other ISIS fighters on the front line.

“ISIS is trying to grow the number of women in its units because it’s difficult for enemy fighters to reveal the women’s identities because they wear full face coverings,” a source told Sumeriyya TV.

When you think about, when all the male ISIS fighters are finally dispatched, all that’ll be left will be women who carry whips and use their gnashers (teeth). Not much opposition for real Wonder Woman Gal Gadot, or allied male fighters for that matter. That German lady might prove a bit tricky, though. She might try to out-do a notorious female guard at Auschwitz who trained her Alsatian to bite at people’s private parts. I’d better stop here before I give ISIS any more ideas for their sick videos.

My Mideast Punchlines: breathless……….

Chief Palestinian negotiator Saeb Erekat is seeking a lung transplant in Israel or the US.

Erekat, 62, suffers from pulmonary fibrosis, which is characterized by the development of scars in lung tissue which makes it difficult for them to function properly. The disease manifests itself in shortness of breath, coughing and loss of the ability of the lungs to transfer oxygen to the body. He was diagnosed more than a year ago.

Erekat is an avuncular type who, when he finds the breath, talks mainly bullshit. However, I can never forget the second Intifida, during which he said something that was as profound as it was true. He was  involved in a TV discussion with an Israeli minister about the murderous mayhem caused by a plethora of Palestinian suicide bombings. “Amnon (Lipkin-Shahak),” he opined, “we are prisoners of our culture, just as you are of yours.” No, Uncle Saeb, we do not regard ourselves as prisoners of our culture, which means, per se, that we don’t see ourselves as victims, either. But victimhood  is the perennial self-imposed curse of the Palestinians, and it’s the very reason they remain firmly rooted in the mire and gasping for breath.

My Mideast Punchlines: infamy, infamy….

Sheikh Ekrima Sa’id Sabri, the former grand mufti of Jerusalem and current head of the Supreme Islamic Committee in Israel, made allegations bordering on incitement against the Jewish state on Monday.

“The occupation authority [Israel] planted spy equipment inside Al-Aqsa mosque and electronic devices underneath the mosque when the site was closed off,” Sabri wrote in Arabic on social media.

This reminds me of a conversation I had yesterday with a young Bangladeshi in my home town. We got talking about the Middle East, and this is what he said: “Everyone knows the leaders of ISIS are Jews, planted by Israel to kill Muslims.” This garbage is what is being taught in his local mosque in Ilford (soon, no doubt, to be renamed Islamabad). Sheikh Sabri’s inane mutterings seem tame by comparison. Wherever there’s an infidel, there’s infamy; recalling the greatest conspiracy comedy line of all time by Carry On’s Kenneth Williams: infamy, infamy, they’ve all got it in for me.”

My Mideast Punchlines: the luck of the Irish…

The Sunday Times of London fired Kevin Myers, the Irish journalist who penned an anti-Semitic, misogynistic article published (and then removed) from the British paper. The paper is also investigating how the column came to be published in the first place.

Seth Frantzman and Joshua Zitser uncover plenty of skeletons of Holocaust denial and misogyny in Myers’ closet that were well known to Myers’ editors.

Whatever you say about Myers, at least he was man enough to apologise and admit that he’d at last been hoist by his own petard. That it took so long says more about the publications he worked for than about him. Maybe his longevity as a bigoted columnist was simply the luck of the Irish, although I doubt it.

My Mideast Punchlines: don’t quote me, but…..

A Turkish reporter admitted that he fabricated a quote by Jared Kushner in which President Donald Trump’s son-in-law and adviser reportedly said Turkish President Recep Erdogan “is making Turkey great again like [the] U.S. We watch his efforts with appreciation.”

Yavuz Atalay, a reporter for the newspaper AKSAM, told The Daily CallerThursday that he made up the quote.

In a private Twitter exchange with The Daily Caller, Atalay said he spoke with Kushner for less than two minutes.

Fabricating quotes. Whatever next? The BBC, CNN, The New York Times and The Guardian telling the truth? Heaven forbid.